I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
