Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
