So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
should my penis look like a turkey
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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