I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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