I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
