is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
