the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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