Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
