she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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