the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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