the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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