Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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