Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
