my mouth tastes like poor choices
Welp...herpes.
this just has baby written all over it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize