He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
