took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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