HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
