Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
