dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
