Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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