Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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