I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
