I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
