what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
