If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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