if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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