Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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