My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
