Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
