Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
