I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
