Banned from zoo.
Again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
