well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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