Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
