I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
