Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
