how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize