Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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