it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
