Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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