Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
