fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize