When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to align my fucking chakras
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize