We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
