Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize