his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
