I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
