her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
