You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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