We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
