you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
