I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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