That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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