we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize