all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
