saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
