This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
