Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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