as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
