THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
