Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
