something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
