I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
