I puked a lego.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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