it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
