I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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