I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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