I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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