That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize