I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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