I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
