Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
