apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
