It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
