My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
