I'm going to jail i love you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
