i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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