just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
