it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
