i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
