rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
