Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
