her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm really busy with my period
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