i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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