I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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