What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
