hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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